Sunday, December 5, 2010

Kids say the funniest things

    I have a son who is nine years old and I'm praying that he won't get into the same shenanigans that I did when I was his age. Most people say that he is a miniature version of me and that he is a very entertaining child. A few years ago, when I was living in WA with the family, I came home for lunch from work even though I had already eaten the sandwich and chips I had brought with me. Since I had about an hour to kill at home, I decided that it would be a good idea to try and seduce my wife into some afternoon delight.
    She conceded to my request after much protesting about the boy being home and awake. I had laid her fears to rest by putting cartoons on for my son and making him some popcorn- he loves the stuff. After making sure that he had everything that he could possibly need, I left him to his ‘toons and proceeded upstairs to my bedroom.
    My wife and I were “practicing” for only a few minutes when we heard the boy yell something from the T.V. room. Naturally, we ceased our activity and remained motionless as the following exchange took place.
    “Did you hear that?” I asked
    “Yes, Caleb yelled something.” she said.
    “What did he say?” I asked.
    She replied incredulously, “I don’t know! This stupid bed makes so much noise.”
    We resumed, well, I resumed my activity for only a few moments before I stopped due to my son’s yelling from downstairs.
    This time, I heard what he was yelling, “Stop jumping on the bed! I can’t hear the T.V.!”
     My wife was absolutely mortified, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
    “Get off me!” she said as I continued to laugh, knowing that the moment was very much over.
    “What’s the big deal,” I teased, “it’s not like he knows what we’re doing up here.”
    That’s when I heard the boy running up the stairs.
   “Shit,” my wife said, “did you lock the bedroom door?”
    I stopped laughing because I realized that in my haste, I had indeed neglected to lock the door. I flew off the bed in my birthday suit and lunged for the door knob and pushed in the little button that locks the door just as my son tried to come in.
   “Hey!” he exclaimed, “why did you lock me out? And how come you guys get to jump on the bed and I get yelled at when I do it?”
   With my hand still clutching the door knob, I yelled through the door, “Go watch your toons Caleb.”
   “I can’t ‘cause you guys are jumping on the bed and making a lot of noise.”
   “Just go downstairs!” I said. I heard him walking away and quickly put my wife’s robe on. I followed him downstairs and turned the T.V. volume up to blaring.
    “There, now you can hear your toons.” I told him.
    He just gave me a perplexing look, probably due to my pink, silky attire, but settled down on the couch and continued to watch his toons. I returned upstairs in hopes of salvaging my alone-time with my wife.
    No such luck though. She was already dressed and was in the process of fixing her mussed-up hair. She saw the look of disappointment on my face and simply said, “We need a new bed, one that doesn’t make noise.” She patted me on my head as she passed by me in the doorway and told me that I was going to be late for work if I didn’t take her robe off and get dressed. So much for afternoon delight.


  1. Pretty funny and also sad! But I hope you guys got a new bed!!

  2. Great storytelling, Dennis! Very funny moment!